DEAR DEIDRE: MY best mate is so miserable that sometimes I pretend I’m working late so I don’t have to speak to him.
He brings me down so much that it’s affecting my own mental health. We’re both 25 and have been friends since we were kids.
His dad is sick with cancer and he rings me up crying almost every day. I try to listen but nothing I say helps and he wants to talk for hours.
The hardest thing is that my mum died of cancer last year. Every time he talks about his dad’s treatment, it takes me back to what my family went through.
It makes me feel anxious and like I can’t move on from my grief. He also drinks too much, which I know makes depression worse.
I’ve told him to cut back but he doesn’t listen.
I feel like a bad friend, yet he never does anything to help himself.
I’m starting to wonder if I should end the friendship, but I don’t want to hurt him.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You’re not a bad friend – quite the opposite. It’s clear you care and want to help.
But being a mate is not the same as being a counsellor. You need to protect yourself, especially if he’s dragging you down.
He needs professional support. Give him my support pack about Depression and suggest he talks to a counsellor.
Be honest with him – it’s better than lying about working late.
Ask for some space and explain you are still dealing with your own grief and are struggling to cope with daily intense phone calls.
Read my support pack on Bereavement – you might benefit from talking to someone too.
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